Same-Sex Marriage

The readings for this class all discussed the issue of same-sex marriage and the various perspectives on the topic. All of these articles have shown me what “heterosexual privilege” truly means in today’s hetero-normative society. Ettelbrick, Naples, and the FAQs all opened my eyes to the issues and complications that same-sex couples often face in their day-to-day lives.

Paula Ettelbrick’s, “Since When Is Marriage A Path To Liberation”, discusses marriage and the attainment of it for gays and lesbians. She presents the idea that gaining equal rights to marry simply goes against all that gays and lesbians have worked for. Marriage will not liberate them; it will make them conform to society. Secondly, gaining the right to marry will not, unlike many people’s beliefs, turn our country into one that respects different types of relationships. Ettelbrick goes on to explain how gaining rights is not synonymous with gaining justice. Of course she believes that in terms of rights lesbians and gays should be allowed to marry like any heterosexual couple. But, this does not mean that the fight for justice will be over with the attainment of this right. I thought that this particular quote says it all pretty well and it brought a lot to my attention: “Justice for gay men and lesbians will be achieved only when we are accepted and supported in this society despite our differences from the dominant culture and the choices we make regarding our relationships” (Ettelbrick, 306). So, although gays and lesbians may eventually gain the right to marry, our society needs to be transformed from the inside out in order to accept these individuals and their life choices. There are too many people in this world that disagree with homosexuality and therefore would not give gays and lesbians the justice that they deserve.

I took issue with one part of her article though. She states that she, as a lesbian, is fundamentally different from heterosexual women. She states, “Marriage, as it exists today, is antithetical to my liberation as a lesbian and as a woman because it mainstreams my life and voice.” (Ettelbrick, 306). In doing so, she gives readers the idea that marriage for all lesbians is not what they want, but there are plenty of people, lesbians and gays, that want to be married because they want to be like any other couple. Is there something wrong with them for wanting this? Ettelbrick says, “I do not want to be known as ‘Mrs. Attached-To-Somebody-Else”, as if this is a bad thing, and that all lesbians feel this way. Maybe I interpreted this part incorrectly but that was the feeling I got. She also emphasizes the fact that the Gay Rights Movement is not to have gays assimilate into “normal” culture, but to have them stand out. Does everyone want to stand out and be seen as different? Don’t many gays and lesbians simply want to lead normal lives like everyone else, where they do as they please, love who they want to love, and go about their business?

Nancy A. Naples, a lesbian, girlfriend, and soon-to-be mother, expresses her feelings on queer parenting in a hetero-normative society in “Queer Parenting In The New Millennium”. Despite the fact that in many states gays and lesbians cannot legally marry, they still, and will continue to, have children, despite the challenges and difficulties often encountered in the process. Naples’ partner is the one carrying their child, and Naples often feels that she, unlike her girlfriend, is challenging gender roles, even though her partner is also a lesbian. Naples is taking on a role that typically is associated with maleness and masculinity. She often feels ostracized as her partner easily joins in on pregnancy discussions. Naples opened my eyes to the issues that co-mothers must deal with and the feelings of inferiority or exclusion that they endure during the pregnancy. Naples is placed in a situation where she feels she must constantly explain her circumstances with her partner, etc. She then goes on to discuss the complications of adopting, another difficult thing to go through. The decision as to who will give birth to the child must be a difficult one to make because one often wonders if the “mother” will be more attached to the child, as she gave birth to it.

Lastly, the FAQs stated all the advantages to being legally married. It is sad that not every couple has the opportunity to have these rights. Besides the fact that same-sex couples may want to marry for love, or to protect their child, etc., many other same-sex couples want to marry so that they can have the same rights as other legally married couples in the eyes of the state and the nation. I was unaware that there were so many rights that people gained when they got married, from something so simple such as hospital visitations, to something more complex, such as estate taxes. It is completely unjust that gay couples cannot gain access to these rights simply because they are homosexual. We live in a free country where everyone is equal in the eyes of the law, or so they say. It is absurd that not everyone has equal rights. Hopefully, with the legalization of marriage to same-sex couples in all states (eventually), our society as a whole will begin to realize that we cannot let sexuality determine what rights someone should have.