A recent article in The New York Times titled “The New Math on Campus,” (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/07/fashion/07campus.html?ref=style), discusses the situation college girls encounter due to the lack of competent or dateable boys on campus. According to a report by the American Council on Education, “women have represented about 57 percent of enrollments at American colleges since 2000,” (The New Math on Campus, 1). “The New Math on Campus” focuses its story on frustrated girls at the UNC Chapel Hill campus where women make up about sixty percent of the student body. Despite the impressive status of women’s success shown by these statistics, many students still feel woes due to the lack of boys on campus. Even worse, a UNC female argues that out of the forty percent of men on campus, only about ten percent have potential to be boyfriends after those with girlfriends and those who are simply not suitable are weeded out.
Therefore, the article suggests, nearly all the women must fight over an extremely small group of boys. Further, since women aggressively outnumber men, men are able to behave however they want, controlling their interactions and relationships with women. As there are so many girls relative to boys, boys are able to “play the field,” treating women poorly and hopping from one girl to the next if the current girl isn’t willing to play the same way they want to. For example, Kelly Lynch, a student interviewed for the article suggests that “girls feel pressured to do more than they’re comfortable with, to lock it down.” Since boys have such a large group of girls to choose from, if one girl isn’t giving them exactly what they want, they will gladly move on to someone who will. Even worse, girls hold boys to lower standards since they are forced to effectively take what they can get and are often unable to find someone they really deserve. Emily Kennard, another interviewee for the article, articulates this idea saying cheating is “a thing that girls let slide because you have to. If you don’t let it slide, you don’t have a boyfriend,” (The New Math on Campus, 2). Unfortunately, girls are often treated disrespectfully by men, but cannot do anything about it since men control the dating and hooking up patterns on campus. Women, therefore, are often forced in to casual hookup situations when they would much rather a serious romantic relationship.
Since they have control over the relationship realm, men create a dating scenario that they see as ideal. According to the article, this translates in to a mindset of “more partners. More sex. Commitment? A good first step would be his returning a woman’s Facebook message” (The New Math on Campus, 2). The article suggests that men prefer a relationship void of responsibility, and due to uneven gender ratios, they are able to create this scenario with minimal effort. Although some men do supposedly look for girls they want to seriously date, the general pattern is very different.
This article depicts a dating situation highly reminiscent of that at Colgate. Many girls search for some sort of commitment, however they often find their male prospects void of this desire. Girls go out night after night looking for someone who will respect them or maybe even develop feelings for them, however, as suggested in the article, girls often end up spending the night with a boy and after, never speak again. The boy to girl ratio at Colgate, however, is even at 50:50. Therefore, male dominance and control in relationships is not caused by sheer gender ratios, but rather female desperation for male attention and further, their willingness to conform to men’s idealistic relationships.
Although some girls do not conform to these habits, every night before going out, most girls put in time agonizing over outfits and fussing with their appearance, worried that their looks do not live up to standards. This obsession with appearances spurs from the overwhelming hookup culture at Colgate. Since relationships often do not extend beyond impersonal interactions, those involved do not know each other on a personal friend level. In her essay on gender labels, Jennifer Reid Maxcy Myhre states that “a woman’s value is gauged according to her appearance,” (Myhre, 87). Therefore, since hookups are normally not based off of genuinely liking someone’s personality, appearance is definitely the deciding factor in hook up success.
In addition to obsessing over their looks, girls often feel pressured to be more sexually open or aggressive than they feel comfortable with in order to impress boys. Girls commonly have sex with boys on the first night they meet them in order to impress the boy they are with. In “Female Chauvinist Pigs,” Ariel Levy discusses the raunch culture associated with shows such as Girls Gone Wild and Hugh Hefner’s show The Girls Next Door. Levy tells an example in which a girl on spring break in Miami is pressured by boys she does not know to flash the camera for the Girls Gone Wild show. At first, the girl is very resistant however, after a little bit of coercion and persuasion by the boys, the girl abides and reveals her boobs. This girl undoubtedly did not feel comfortable flashing the camera, however she felt as though the boys would reject her if she did not listen to their demands.
Girls’ willingness to put out, obsession with appearance, and forced “comfort” with sexuality all suggest their desperation to impress boys and gain male approval. Further, in obsessing over our looks and conforming to male sexual pressure, we not only allow men to continue their disrespectful behavior, but we perpetuate and promote their demeaning mindset. Although they, too, enjoy female attention, men are often not forced to put in any effort since girls let them act the way they do. In other words, in listening to men’s demands or following men’s orders, we reinforce their behavior because it works for them to act this way.
Girls are willing to act in a way that goes against their morals and makes them feel uncomfortable because many girls believe, or at least hope, that their situation will be different than most and that their male interest may actually care. Many girls, deep down, hope that if they really impress a boy they will get the respect and admiration they deserve. As the popular move He’s Just Not That Into You suggests, women “hope that they are the exception when they are really the rule.” Women often fantasize or dream that the boy they are interested will fall for them and love them in return, when many times that is not the case. However, girls often hold on to that slight chance that the boy respects them even if he acts other wise, and it is through this hope that men are successfully able to act the way they do without any repercussions.
Therefore, men get exactly what they want while women are often left disappointed. Women date in a way they do not want to and are therefore left disheartened. In other words, women are forced to date like men-detaching themselves from the relationship and maintaining a wall-in order to avoid developing feelings that are eventually unreturned. This tendency to date like men is reminiscent of Ariel Levy’s “raunch culture” in which women act like one of the guys in seeking male approval. These girls base their worth on male approval and acceptance and define themselves based on how boys perceive them. Girls determine how they should act based on how they think boys want them to act and in doing so, they create an identity for themselves centered around perceived male desires. In other words, girls internalize their perception of how men see them, and fulfill this identity, therefore becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Although the article (and my related analysis) certainly serve to illuminate a problem common on college campuses, we have our own flaws in perpetuating the problem on which we intend to shed light. While this article does point out an important problem, it ironically assumes that everyone is heteronomative-an assumption that is not only naïve but also damaging to the progress of women’s sexual freedom. I, too, am guilty of assuming that everyone is heterosexual despite the fact that this is clearly not the case. Further, in this essay, I assume that all girls are looking for relationships and are disappointed with casual sex, when this is undeniably not the case. The flip side of this is that I assume that all men prefer casual sex to commitment when this, too, is far from the truth.
It is important to highlight these assumptions and recognize the differences among individuals because as Audre Lorde points in her essay, it is an awareness and application of these differences that can really extend a movement to the next level of success. Also, my assumptions on gender or what being a male or female suggest in an individual’s approach to sex and relationships are unfavorable as they assume that men and women each fit a specific, pointed, definition of male and female when “masculine” and “feminine” (or “male” and “female”) are actually socially constructed norms void of any genuine value. As Myhre suggests, “we all hold in our minds a blueprint of our perceptions of femininity and masculinity,” (Myhre, 86). We must remember, however, that these perceptions are socially constructed and often do not hold on an individual basis.