“Silent No More, Wives Go Public About Their Husbands’ Affairs”, is a CNN article about the wives of powerful cheating husbands. It discusses how more so than ever recently, these women have been finding their voices and coming out and expressing to the public how they are dealing with this infidelity. More and more books are being written and published in order to serve as an aid of empowerment for the average women to leave their cheating husbands as well. People who study infidelity are proud of this newfound sense of power and ability that these women have found to express themselves. But, I say to all this, “Why?”
Why should we be applauding these women for doing what they are supposed to do; standing up for themselves. It seems pretty outrageous that women are still looked at as incapable of holding their own. They are still the property of cheating men, so to speak. If they weren’t, then people would not keep making such a big deal about these politicians’ wives and their books! Jenny Sanford, the pending ex-wife of South Carolina Governor, Mark Sanford, wrote a book called “Staying True”. Her husband had an Argentine mistress for quite some time before Jenny decided she had enough. Dina Matos McGreevey, the ex-wife of Governor James McGreevey, found herself married to a “gay American” (Ravitz, p. 1). Elizabeth Edwards wrote a book called, “Resilience: Reflections on the Burdens and Gifts of Facing Life’s Adversities”, and discussed how and why it took her so long to separate from her cheating and lying husband.
Researchers are trying to determine why this is all happening now. The question, “So what happened to the women who used to stand silently by their disgraced husbands?” is posed in this article (Ravitz, p. 1). Some say that we have entered a “new age” and women have more freedom and choice. Others say that not only are these women political wives but they also have legitimate careers on the line. Either way, it is impressive that wives are letting their husbands deal with the results of their actions alone, rather than standing by their side. For whatever reason, it is believed that this is a newfound occurrence, women standing up to their cheating husbands, and announcing their separation, because according to the article, this was not done generations before.
These political wives are providing the public with “a peek behind the curtain”, but why must we see this (Ravitz, p. 2)? Doesn’t the average person know that women should not stick beside their cheating husbands? Why must we applaud those that free themselves from that struggle? Ruth Houston, author of “Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs”, says that these women are truly helping the average woman with her problems. First of all, what does this say about our society that we have a book being sold in bookstores with this title? Books like this aren’t written for men. Why is it that we as a society are conditioned to think that only women get cheated on and that there are “829 signs”? Why is it made so that women must always be wary of their husbands? Houston says we should never assume that we are free from infidelity. Something must be inherently wrong with our society that we have to immediately assume the worst. Men (obviously not all) have been trained to think that their wives would not cheat on them and that they will always “be there” even if they cheat on their wives.
Throughout this semester we have discussed how women are always trying to be considered equal to men, yet this equality has not happened and is a constant battle. Whether it is equality in the work place, sexual equality, or even just life equality, women just cannot seem to be on par with men. I believe that this article, “Silent No More, Wives Go Public About Their Husband’s Affairs”, is a perfect depiction of this idea of “life equality”. It does not discuss a particular cause or movement or even a specific idea that makes women inferior to men, but it does infer that women are not considered equal to men in the institution of marriage.
I believe that the article relates to the ideas that Betty Friedan posed of this problem that has no name. Although her ideas are mostly about women not being happy in the home and feeling that they are forced into this unfair situation with no say in the matter, I think that Ravitz’s article accentuates her ideas. In Friedan’s depiction of the home and the job of women, she discusses how women are inferior to men and constantly need to be their by their husbands’ sides to cook their meals, do their laundry; be their slaves in a sense. Ravitz’s article poses a similar idea in relation to the institution of marriage. Women need to be their by their husbands’ sides no matter what, whether they cheat, lie, etc. This places an unfair burden on women. They are simply not equal to men in this sense. This sense of “tradition” that Friedan exposes relates to this ideal that women should not speak out because this is the way life is. This idea correlates to the CNN article as well because up until now many have said that women are meant to keep silent if their husbands cheat.
I believe that the ideas presented in this article can be related to Ariel Levy’s ideas of Raunch Culture. Levy discusses how females in this day in age are empowering themselves through their sexual identity and showing how they can be sexy no matter what. The article discusses how women are finally becoming empowered and standing up to the restrictions placed on them. I think that although both groups of women, those mentioned in Levy’s Raunch Culture, and those mentioned in Ravitz’s CNN article, are both “empowered”, they are going about it in a different manner. There are more ways to empower oneself than through one’s sexual identity. The simply act of saying no is a form of empowerment. Altering the traditional gender roles that exist in today’s society is a huge form of female empowerment.
Although I understand the ideas presented in Ravitz’s article, and see the connections that surely can be made to our class and the works that we have read, I have an issue with the fact that we should applaud these women. The fact that our society is first reaching a point where it is now acceptable for women to divorce their cheating husbands rather than stay by their side, is beyond me. Hopefully this gradual transformation will extend to all aspects of society and women will continue on their path of equality to men.
I agree that we shouldn't have to applaud these women for leaving their husbands...infidelity should never be treated as something that women need to put up with simply because men are more likely to cheat than women. A recent Dateline show centered on women who had husbands in politics that were having affairs, and how the wives dealt with it. Many felt as though it was their duty to stand by their men...and others were shown as strong and independent for having the guts to leave them. Every relationship is different, and I'm sure in some instances it is worthwhile TO stay with someone who has cheated...but it should have nothing to do with gender or "male tendencies." Perhaps the reason women are generally more monogomous is because we have been trained to believe that one man is all we deserve or that if we are found cheating we will never find another man. Whatever the reason, I think it is safe to say that society is responsible for the infidelity rates among men...not biology.
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